Scary Movies I Saw and Would Like to See

 

    As I was working on a header for the blog, I had several movies playing in the background. I was looking through all of the free movies that were available on YouTube, and low and behold, the fucking X-Files movie was on there! I hadn't been able to see that movie in a phat ass minute!

    That movie has always stayed with me, ever since I saw it as a kid. The screeches from the alien freaked me the fuck out, as well as the design of the alien creature. Usually, aliens are depicted as silent, inquisitive greys. This movie flips that and makes them violent and primitive. Spooky!

    But the scene that sticks with me the most is when Mulder boards the mother ship to rescue Scully and she's in one of those tubes. There are rows of infected humans and alien bodies suspended in liquid. He breaks her out of her tube and disturbs the aliens resting, hurriedly curing her with the vaccine to help her escape. One of the aliens breaks out and begins to pursue them, crawling after them in the vent. It's a very suspenseful and scary moment, one that has stuck with me since then.

    It was nice to watch the film again through the eyes of an adult, rather than a child. If I had enough patience, I'd probably watch all of the seasons of the X-Files. Maybe I'll start the series as I begin to draw out my comics. I'd also have to start Twin Peaks; I've already watched Fire Walks With Me, I should probably commit! Good stuff! However, for every solid horror/sci-fi movie, there's always another stupid ass film to tear you down...

    As I was searching, I noticed another film that sparked my interest... Rings (2017). I struggled heavily trying to remember the film's plot, but I just couldn't! My mind kept going back to The Grudge's film history and its sequels, I couldn't remember shit about it! So, the only way to rectify this situation was to watch the damned thing! What a fucking letdown!

    Maybe around 10 minutes in I began to remember this dogshit movie. Fuck, this movie blows! The director or screenwriter decided to take, like, a modern, teen flick of the summer, Cabin in the Woods, college lovey-dovey bullshit route, which completely dismisses the beauty of the atmosphere of the first film. And everyone's acting sucks dick!!

    I didn't really pay attention to it as I was drawing, and I didn't even finish it. I think the thing that pissed me off the most was the Fucking Fever Ray song playing in the background of a scene. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING FEVER RAY - THE WOLF IN THE BACKGROUND OF A RING FILM WHEN THE SONG WAS MADE FOR AND FEATURED IN RED RIDING HOOD?!?! A MOVIE ABOUT WEREWOLVES. IN WHICH THE SONG IS CALLED THE WOLF? FEVER RAY IS HOWLING ON THE TRACK. THE SONG HAS ALREADY BEEN USED, IT'S LIKE USING FLIGHTLESS BIRD AMERICAN MOUTH IN ANOTHER TEEN FLICK PROM DANCE SCENE!!

    I am irrationally upset, but that bothered me. I like Fever Ray. It just felt stupid to hear that song in the background of this stupid ass film. Kinda random, you know? Unnecessary. Anyways, the movie was boring as shit, no wonder I forgot about it. BECAUSE IT'S FORGETTABLE. 

    The next film I saw is not a horror film, but it can be scary to some; Babygirl (2024). Nicole Kidman keeps breathing sexily throughout the film, and she comes HARD after getting fingered. lol. So she acts like a dog and likes to be told what to do. So what? Everybody does???? You're not special or different, Nicole! And that was it, dude, I thought she was gonna get, like, spanked or something. He just gave her some fucking grandma candy and pet her head. Give us nothing Babygirl!! And the dude was so annoying and insecure and immature. You're gonna let that little BOY dominate you? He can't even command you to take your clothes off, he's like, "Can you... like-take. your clothes off?" Puh-lease!

    That's why I prefer Secretary (2002), and E.L. James TOTALLY stole her nachos. Anyways, they need to make a film about a submissive man under a dominant woman in the work setting, realism be damned. I want her to leave her high-heel imprint on his bare chest, tie him up and overstimulate him!! Make him bark, goddammit! MAKE HIM WEAR WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR THE WHOLE DAY AND MAKE HIM NUT THE LACE AS A REWARD!! I don't know, just a few suggestions, I'm just thinking out loud, here. I support women expressing their sexuality, we just keep seeing the same stories over and over again in which the woman is submissive and the man is dominant. switch it up. Make them gay. I am BORED!

    After that, my mom put on Terrifier 3 and I checked out. Hate. I don't mind excessive gore, I don't mind plotless films, I don't mind horror films just existing for the fuck of it. But I've come to the conclusion that I do not care at all for Terrifier. I hate the way it's filmed, first of all. Like a YouTube video or a 4k porno or something. I would've preferred a porno over whatever Terrifier is. The film is so unstimulating. Yeah I said it. BORING. I don't care for it!! I don't give a frog's fat ass if you do like the series, be true to who you are!! Good for you :) Not everyone likes The Blair Witch project, but I would take a bullet for that film. I'm not gonna yuck someone's yum, in the sense that I'll try to change your mind into not liking it. I don't give a damn! It is just not for me. Horror isn't political... Sure, okay... (¬_¬)

    Anyways! I looked up some horror films that are coming out this year, so here are some that I'm interested in seeing!

• 28 Years Later: Should I say more? Zombies, man. The next installment. Let's. Go.
• Final Destination Bloodlines: Love the first and especially love the third installments. I have never seen a Final Destination film in theaters, I am so fucking pumped to see that one!
• Return to Silent Hill: I will not expect anything... ANYTHING from that film, I just need to see a Silent Hill movie in the theaters, so help me God. 
• Jurassic World Rebirth: Not necessarily a horror film, even though I wanted it to be more of a scarier film. However, there are some dinosaur failed experiments appearing in the film, some real freaks of nature. Cue Red Sex by Vessel. 

    These are some films I don't feel the need to see in theaters, like I'll die if I don't get to see them. But I wouldn't say no to!

• The Conjuring; Last Rites: It will either really fucking suck or it will be decent, but I'm not gonna expect too much from it. It would be fun to watch in the theater with a bunch of people in the dark. It'll come out in September, the month we all pregame for Halloween.
• Five Night at Freddy's 2: Need I say anything? Probably would be fun to hear a bunch of kids get scared in the dark. But it could go south, just like the Minecraft movie experience...
• Avatar: Fire and Ash: Not a horror film! However, I'd love to see an Avatar film in theaters, but holy fucking shit the film's 3 hours long!?!? I don't know if I'll be able to make it through! It'd be a fun experience, especially if you watch it at like 10 PM or something. 

    That's all I'm looking forward to, I don't really care for other movie genres other than sci-fi or fantasy. Unless it's the new Scary Movie coming out next year, I'm gonna fucking see that one for sure! But I saw that there's gonna be a new Tron film? Eh... Not into superhero films and Blade is gonna be on an indefinite hiatus. Boo! And I'm not gonna fucking watch How to Train Your Dragon, I don't care how good it looks! REDUNDANT!

    I'm gonna wrap this up, that's a whole lotta movie talk! The sun will be up soon and I want to get up at a reasonable time to get a coffee and go to the Dollar Store!

FUCK YOU!!!

MA 45:6

Another restless night that bleeds from black into blue, into the crisp, cold morning. I cried once again at the thought of someone loving me.

Suddenly, I felt the need to leave my house. I got out of bed and decided on getting an iced chai, something nice and cold to ease the pain and swelling.

I departed into the darkness of 6 AM and drove to the coffee shop, shivering, cold hands gripping the steering wheel. I like the cold. The cold air makes me feel clean. It makes me feel more alive. Aware of my own mortality.

I acquired my iced beverage and drove my way back home. You see, I wanted to sit at a park somewhere to enjoy my drink, however, there are people getting ready for work and such. I'd hate to be spotted. And dogs bark way too loud.

I noticed that our roses were coming in very nicely as I exited the car. Nice, deep, blood red ones that curl at the ends pointing sharp. I'd like to have lipstick that color.

The iced chai was delicious. Way too much sugar, as I indulged in purchasing a large. But it's either a sugary drink to boost my serotonin levels or a more physical, painful release that would be the same color as those roses.

Sometimes, I think about how easy it is to just give in to those urges. I could cut a ladder, and the people closest to me would never know. No one would ever question or wonder. Because there have been so many instances that I've "bled" and cried for help and no one bothered.

They all have the same look in their eyes, you know. It's a blank, straight stare. Heavy lids, chin held a bit high. Eyes looking down on you, letting you know that they feel nothing. Monotone voice. 

So now I'm writing. I'm writing to drain the blood. I write, that's all I do is write. Shout into the void. I wish I could fall asleep.

I know I just need to channel all of this grief into something tangible, like alchemy. Into the cauldron goes a drop of my blood, sweat, and tears. They crystallize and form physical evidence of my pain. And then I let it go. I drop that philosopher's stone into the ocean like that one bitch from the titanic. Then I die and meet Jack and we scissor while everyone claps. 

I wish I lived next to a beach. Remember how they did it in the old days? If a woman was hysterical or depressed, a doctor would prescribe her a couple of months resting by the seaside to cure her ailments. I don't live by the beach. I live by stinking canals and cow shit. My "seaside medicine" is a 25 minute drive to Goodwill and a Dunkin' Donut coffee. And right now, I'm broke as shit.

"This is my private bed

This is where I lie at night

Staring at a light bulb hanging on the ceiling

Waiting for a dream to

Come and get me out of here"

Yeah, sing it Danny Elfman. I'm jammin'. I guess I will try to get some sleep in. I used to be afraid of falling asleep. I didn't know what would come and visit me while I slept. I would go places. Things would enter me. I thought they were watching me.

Now it's just my racing thoughts, and if there are no racing thoughts, there is nothing. No-thing. Emptiness. Nothing above, nothing below. No control.

Anyways, I'm gonna figure out what to do with myself. I'm deciding whether I should fight the drowsiness or succumb to the darkness. Fuck my stupid baka life. 

why can't I feel anything

As I was finally drifting off to sleep at around 7 AM, I began to think about my situation in waking life. I was in that in-between place, the one in which you feel like a leaf gently falling to the grass.

I took that imagery, that feeling, quite literally. I feel like a drop of water falling through the air, with the inevitable end of hitting and disappearing into concrete. I feel like salt dissolving into water. I am going away.

I don't know how to help myself at this large age. I feel like I have nothing left but the need to create. If I don't have that, I don't have anything. I'm holding on to any anchor I have and I'm drowning.

My life is hospitals. My life is trains. My life is 30 minute car rides. My life is starving. My life is contained within four walls and loneliness.

I haven't exhausted all of my lifelines yet. I have the smallest sliver of hope tethering me to this world. The hope of love, connection, community, and reciprocation. I hang on to the imagery of an afternoon walk with my partner during springtime. I envision myself sitting at a cafe when it's raining, slowly sipping on a latte while I relax. I can see myself walking with some friends at night, hopping from bar to bar under warm light bulbs. I know it's not over yet.

It's very hard to do things on your own, especially after you've asked for help. That's life. I just hope I won't be alone any longer. I feel like I'm being punished, and only after I've worked hard enough, I'll finally have earned the privilege of having human connections. A reward.

Well, there is nothing left to lose, or to do! I might as well channel this overwhelming grief into something entertaining. Even though I feel like disappearing. One day, I'll come back to this moment in my life and yell "I DID IT! I finally made it! Thanks for hanging in there for a bit longer, darling!".

Help me out?