Old Pics From Blogger's Past (2018)

 

    I didn't think I'd have any of these pictures anymore! I've been blogging since I was a kid, but I've always deleted shit! So, here are some pictures that I had posted onto my blog from 2018 :)

    These are some polar bear cake pops from that one coffee shop... lol. That's my little brother's hand in the pic! I had a huge obsession with bears around this time. I still do!

    Speaking of bears!! I got this cup at a mall for my 20th birthday :) I got it as Miniso! I had never been into one of those before, it was a great experience!

    I believe I took these photos mid 2018? I remember these pictures because I was probably at the lowest point of my whole life. From my late 18's to my early 20's were complete hell. There was a moment during early-mid 2017 in which I was completely sedentary. I wasn't getting up in the mornings, I was eating way too much food, I wasn't working. I was extremely depressed to be attending college online, as well as taking physical classes at my high school. Who wants to be back at high school when they've just graduated?!!? It made me so angry and embarrassed to be there. 

    I've mentioned this before in a post; There were moments in my youth in which I experienced intense moments of emptiness. It was like a choking pressure on my chest. It felt like overwhelming boredom and it scared me. I would begin to panic because nothing I could think of was making me happy. It was like I was dying inside. Fading away. I had a lot of those moments during that time.

    While I was walking that day, I contemplated my existence. I'm pretty sure I was trying to make myself feel better, as I was feeling rather hopeless that day. A nice walk to pull me out of that black hole. I was dealing with a lot of stuff in regards to my schooling, transportation, and funds. I had to navigate my college career all by myself and it was exhausting and extremely taxing on my mental health. I didn't have anyone to help me in that department. As a result, I had to take a semester off of school. It made me feel like a failure and like my freedom was being taken away from me.

    Things got better after I got a job, my driver's licence, and then a car during that "break". I had also lost a lot of weight during that time, no thanks to a budding eating disorder and constant running. But I was very fucking proud of myself for picking myself back up. I was able to take my grandparent's out to dinner with my hard earned money, before my Gramma got sick and passed.

    What a fucking life, huh? Whatcha gonna do about it? I'm still here, despite it all. I don't know what's coming next, but I feel like it's gonna get good pretty soon. If my overwhelming hopelessness doesn't overshadow my zealousness.