"The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep."

 

    Bro, this might be TMI, but I have really bad gas right now. LMAO!! Okay, some time has passed, I don't feel that bad anymore.

    I just ate the "Tiffany Plate", snap peas, sausage, egg, cottage cheese and mustard. That shit was so good, I think I'm lacking vitamins. I'm about to have a cup of Ginger Peach Turmeric tea, and oh my gosh, it smells so good. I've never had this tea before, so this is great. I'll probably have half of a bagel with cream cheese afterwards. And I might... finish the night with... a chai latte. I don't know, that might be too heavy before bed. I should be drinking the ginger peach turmeric before bed for my digestive system. OH WELL!!

    I haven't posted any of my scary movie posts because I got a bit burnt out. I was tired. Boohoo. But, I will be honest, I have been trying to fix my sleeping schedule. I can fall asleep, sort of. I just sleep all day and stay up all night, when it should be the other way around. I need to set a schedule for myself so that I can learn discipline. Consistency! Then, consistency breeds quality.

    I have repeatedly put my art over my health ever since I started using art as an escape from reality. I would think, "If anything, at least I made great art". Now I'm 27 years old and I'm not going anywhere, lmao! So, I've been trying to fix my life. As I've mentioned before, that shit is not so simple. Oh my gosh, this tea is delicious. It's a bit spicy, I don't know how that will fare with my acid re-flux. Turmeric is supposed to help, right? It's supposed to be anti-inflammatory... We'll find out!!

    SO!! I come first. My health comes first. My needs come first. That's a whole new responsibility to learn! I am so used to neglecting myself, in every way. Taking care of myself is a damn chore! I have to start romanticizing brushing my teeth and eating 3 meals a day. I HAVE TO SLEEP!! I HAVE TO REST!!! SO THAT I CAN GET UP IN THE MORNING AND MAKE BREAKFAST AND BRUSH MY TEETH!! What a world.

    Anyways, I went for a jog last night but I had to cut it short because I foolishly drank some of my energy drink before taking off. I wanted more energy, but I got a bladder full of electric piss as well. I needed to exercise before going to bed to ensure fatigue, right? I fell asleep around 3 AM, which is a little bit better than 7 AM. However, I only slept for 3.5 hours, so I was up at 7 AM, man. I guess my body is used to being up at that hour. If only I had slept more then 3 hours!! Waking up at 7 would be great!!

    Since I had trouble falling back asleep, I decided that I would go to the grocery store. Romanticize your life! I had been wanting to go in the mornings because there are only old people there. No one else!! It was perfect. I picked up some salad, bananas, avocados, bagels, eggs, coffee, tea. It feels good to be able to purchase food you want to eat. Eating food like that is a privilege, I did not grow up eating bagels and cream cheese. It was weenies and corn tortillas and a fuckton of ground beef. Romanticize your life!!

    Groceries are expensive. I recently saw a tweet that said, "It's food that was never $6.99 being $6.99 now". Because, what do you mean a little bag of granola is almost $6??? I didn't have to get it, but I enjoy having Greek yogurt with chia seeds and granola. I also did not need My Melody themed A-Sha dried noodles, but I decided to treat myself! Romanticize your life!!! They were new to me, I hadn't seen them being carried in the store before! And the packaging is so cute, it's pink! They tasted great too, the noodles came with scallion sauce. It's a bit too salty, so I might not use the whole baggie next time. I had it with some seaweed. YUM!!

    I am rather pleased with myself. Chuffed, even. I really need to visit Wal-Mart or something to check out their Halloween baking kits. I've been coming across a bunch of Halloween party snacks online, I need to prepare!! I have syringes, I'm so ready to make those mixed drinks! Mocktails, since my younger cousins will be coming over Halloween evening!! :) And I don't really drink anymore... lol. Exciting!!

    Mmm, bagel. Dat wezz gewd. I saw a couple of "douyin" haircut videos and was intrigued by the client's make-up. I believe it's "douyin" make-up, which would make sense. I wanted to try my hand at it! I was enamored by the nose counter and inner eye highlight that carves out the nose. And the blush!! I love how the blush is placed underneath the eye at the front of the face. Very cute!! I usually don't do the "aegyo sal" because my eyes are so deep set and hollow, lmao! But, I tried it this time and it came out pretty okay! I really liked the way it makes my eyes look, very cute!

    I also got some new hair clips!! I've been really into 2007-2009, raver, DeviantArt, decora/harajuku era as of late, lol. I find it very charming. It speaks to my inner pre-teen!! If I knew I could look like this back then, oh boy. I would've had a ball!! I love dressing this way, even though it seems childish. I get a bit thrown off due to my age, but I do it for myself. It is FUN to ME!! I never got to do this kind of stuff when I was younger, I hated myself too much. Sorry, all I talk about is pain on this fucking site. I promise I'm not this insufferable in person. But it is my blog, and I can talk about whatever THE FUCK I WANT!!!! And healing trauma is one of the goals I aim to achieve through making art. That's the whole point. My artist mission, if you will.

    I made my chai latte! It's so good, man. I frothed the milk and sprinkled some pumpkin pie spice, since I had no cinnamon, lol. It's a great alternative to coffee. I really crave a warm drink during the night, and that usually means coffee. Big no no before bed. I'm glad I picked this up at the grocery store, I'm probably gonna blast through this tea. I need to figure out how to make a PSL, that would be yummersss. I don't care, I'm that bitch that waits until it's seasonal. That's what makes it special!!! It would be nice to be able to make it at home. I see you can make the latte with pumpkin puree and an espresso shot. Hmmm...

    I thought I'd make an update before continuing the horror film tag. Like I said, I needed to rest. Sleep has always been hard to come by. I'm at a point in my life where I am so over it! I have shit to do!!! So, I'm gonna enjoy the rest of my chai latte, take a nice shower, and hit the fucking sack. I hope to wake up at a decent time in the morning. I might go for a jog if the weather allows it. If not, the night always calls. It's supposed to rain this Thursday and Friday! That's fabulous. Something to look forward to!

Blessed Be!

Illustration Update

     Just wanted to show my work in progress! I needed a little break from the piece as well... Here is Misery so far!

    I drew a couple of sketches last night and was satisfied with them. I was going to sketch some more but I stopped myself because I should be sketching on my iPad. I took a picture of the sketch I did on paper and extracted the lineart for Misery. Rather than do all of that mess, I'd rather just go straight to my iPad. It's easier too, I can fix whatever I want with the lasso tool, specifically proportions.

    Misery's face turned out so cute!! I love her down turned mouth and jowls, lol! I'm working my way down, so her neck corset? High collar? is next. Then her bodice? Vest? I know she's wearing a simplified version of a Victorian mourning dress, but I don't really want to take the time and research all of that, lol! She'll look so beautiful after I finish rendering her hair :)

    I want to draw a couple of sketches of her as well, to accompany her portrait on TikTok. I loved the scene where she's trying to be happy for Ruby. She carries a tray of teacups and tea into the room, trying to smile and "be happy". And then she gets struck by lightning! That part made me chuckle. I really love her character!! XD

    The next drawings I want to work on are the Grim pin-ups. I've decided to ship him with Nergal. As for Sis, Nergal's wife... Maybe she likes to watch, idk. Grim will get passed around. How that would work... IDK either. Nergal has tentacles. Grim has bones. I'll figure it out!! I will NOT be posting those on TikTok. Those will go straight to DeviantArt, I do not want to get torn apart by teenagers and preteens. Leave me alone!!!

    I forgot to mention that I can jog 4 times around the little park in our neighborhood. 4 times is great because I could barely jog the sides of the little park. I don't know if that equals a mile or not... I used to be able to jog longer than that back in da day, I'm trying to get back into shape. You know, all healthy n' shit, not by starving myself and exercising till I faint. yay.

Creature of the Night

    I've been taking late night jogs as of late because I can't get up in the mornings, lol. I've really been enjoying walking through my neighborhood at night, it makes me feel like a vampire.

    I used to be really fucking hot, so jogging at night was preferable. Now that the weather has been transitioning into autumn, it's become a bit chillier at night. It's awesome. I can't wait until the neighborhood starts putting up their Halloween decorations. A lot of houses already have some form of lights up, they look really nice at night. The decorations will add a nice touch!! Maybe I can get a video once they're up...

    We're already almost halfway through September!! LeahMouse's candle shop's reopening marks the middle of the month!! I can't wait to order some candles from her shop. I burned through all of the candles I bought a couple of years ago. She has some pretty awesome concepts for her brand, I'll list the names of the candles: Vampire Coven, Cemetery Picnic, Asylum Seekers, Halloween Bonfire, and Pumpkin Head. I loved the concept of the Asylum Seekers candle, it's supposed to smell like an old, sterile, abandoned hospital. The top note smelled like saline solution!! When you smell it some more, you can definitely smell the remnants of an old building. It freaked me out the first time I smelled it!

    I've recently just started watching Ruby Gloom. The characters are so cute!! My favorite character is obviously Misery, duh!! She's so damn funny, I lost it when she got struck by lightning! I also love all the girls little side profiles, they look like Precious Moments figurines!! I really want to draw them now, which is great because I've been hesitant about drawing again. I've just been so lazy and avoidant.

    I've also been watching more Billy and Mandy clips. Amazon Prime used to have all the seasons but they're behind a paywall now. FUCK!!! I love that goddamn show. It's one of my favorites. I've also noticed something that I didn't before... Grim is kinda... Sexy. HAHAHAAH! He's also quite sassy. I suddenly got the need to draw some pin-up portraits of him. That'd be so hot. heh. It's just hard figuring out what kind of style to draw him in. If you draw him too realistically, he'll just look like another skeleton. There'll be no whimsy!!

    I was going to write out my next post for the scary movie tag, but I have a mighty need. I need to DRAW!!! I literally can't take it, I have to sketch everything out. Hopefully, I can figure something out and render up some illustrations on my iPad. That'd be a good drawing exercise for me. Maybe I could throw them up on TikTok. We shall see! Blessed BE!!!

I almost forgot about this episode, it's a whole Resident Evil reference!

The Brain (1988) Film Review

 

    I was trying to watch more Sci-Fi Horror films before my next post, but all the films I wanted to see were behind a paywall. Boo!!! So, I decided to watch this film instead. This movie blows!!

    I was expecting so much more from a film titled The Brain, you know? I wanted to see some freaky ass shit. I was expecting to see elements more akin to Billy and Mandy's "Little Rock of Horrors" episode, you know? A giant brain using mind control to eat more brains? The two plots are similar in nature, but one's a lot more entertaining!

    The film opens up with a shot with Dr. Blake's (main antagonist) building that he runs his program out of. It's the next shot that throws me off; We see "The Brain" just chilling in its giant tank of liquid, one tentacle hanging out. We see the "monster" straight up, there's no build-up or grand reveal. I wasn't enjoying the movie already :/

    My little brother was watching the beginning with me and he made me laugh! After a high schooler named Becky dies after falling out of her two-story bedroom window, my brother said, "I'm gonna have to give this death the 'Dull Machete Award' for lamest kill". Becky is supposed to be suffering from hallucinations being brought on by the Brain. There is so much layaway with a hallucination sequence, you can literally do anything! The opening scene is supposed to set the mood for the rest of the movie, and what it was showing me was lackluster. Therefore, I was about to watch a lackluster film. Boo.

YouTube has the whole film for free! You can watch the beginning if you want, but the specific sequence I'm writing about starts at 4:30.

    The film feels very hollow and one-dimensional. You can tell that the actors are trying their very best to make this movie solid. Our main character, Jim Majelewski, isn't a very captivating male lead. He's supposed to be charming yet mischievous, but the actor is too busy "looking good" to convey such a complexity, lol. "Great gowns, beautiful gowns"... The rest of the "teenage" actors are fine. They're okay. I didn't feel bad when Jim's friend got eaten by the Brain. lol.

    We typically see a handful of horror films tropes amongst 80's horror films. In this movie's case, we get to see some boobies. You gotta get the people in the theater somehow!! That particular scene gives sleazy porno vibes for sure. The topless woman ends up getting eaten by the Brain and I can't help but to think there was something sexual behind it. 0_o

    The rest of the film is really boring and I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't finish the movie. I couldn't find it in my heart to finish the damned thing. I did manage to watch the ending in which Jim threw some sodium into the Brain's mouth, causing it to blow the fuck up!! That was a bit underwhelming, but it made me chuckle nonetheless. All in all, I would not watch this movie again! LMAO! I give it a 5 out of 10.

    Honestly, I would recommend watching that Billy and Mandy episode, it's really cool. Voltaire is the "Brain Eating Meteor's" singing voice. Catchy song. I remember watching that episode as a child and being so entranced! There are other "brain" themed horror films to watch that are probably better than this one! Much to see, so little patience!! Blessed Be!

My Ragdoll O_ x

    I had plans, you know. I was about to type out my favorite vampire movie post, until I saw this video. I had to stop everything that I was doing and watch it.

    Now, I'm going to interpret "voodoo doll" as a "rag doll" instead. I know it's commonly known as such, but I don't want to be ignorant, you know? I've read that the "voodoo doll" has been denounced by Members of the High Priesthood of Louisiana Voodoo. I won't associate the rag doll with any sort of religion or practice, it's more of a neat little gimmick to me. Very reminiscent of early 2000's mall goth culture, Korn and all. I've just always loved the little dolls you could get at Hot Topic or the quarter machines! 

    So! With that being said, I just had to make one. I had a mighty need. I was originally going to wait until the next day to make a trip to the Dollar Tree, but I checked my arsenal instead. I had almost everything and that made me excited!!! The only thing I wanted were different colored buttons. Instead of writing a blog post, I ended up making this rag doll!

    Here's my supply and set-up, lol! I was able to find everything after digging into my boxes! Making the doll was pretty simple and it would've been faster if I knew how to work my sewing machine. That's another skill I need to work on! I hand-sewed everything, so if you don't have a sewing machine, you can still make this doll.

    Here's the fabric, thread, paint, and patch I decided to use! I also had a broken misfit pin and hair clip I could use to decorate. I knew I had the zebra print, but I forgot that I had hot pink thread! I forgot I had a bunch of shit, man. I need to get back into sewing and DIY. I wanted all of these different colored thread because I wanted that contrast against the black and white fabric. Very Cool!!

    If your fabric is wrinkled, iron it! You have to draw out your doll and cut the shape out. Then, you pin the shape to the folded fabric and cut around the shape. If you pin it real good, it shouldn't be too hard!

    In the video, the creator sews the reversed frabric right after. However, I wanted to decorate my doll with some studs, spikes, and a centipede patch! So, I sewed the patch onto the back with hot pink thread and poked some holes!

    Once all of that had been done, I flipped them back over and began to sew them together. The original creator does this with a sewing machine, but I hand-stitched. Instead of using a whip stick, I weaved the thread over and under. This does the same effect as a slip stitch once turned inside out. If you need a visual, since I myself am a visual learner, you can watch the video above!

    See, over and under! I left a space open so that I can turn the doll inside out. That place is also where I stuffed the cotton into. The arms are a bit more difficult to turn inside out, I use a pen to further push the fabric out!

    This is where I left off last night, since sewing the patch and applying the studs took quite some time. It was already looking pretty cool!!

    My mom found a pillow in the garage that I could gut and she brought me home some buttons from the Dollar Tree! I used the pen again to stuff the cotton into the narrow limbs and head. Once I've stuffed it as much as I could, I used a slip stitch to close it all up! After that, I sewed on a blue button for her eye using the hot pink thread. I don't think I've ever sewn on a button before that!

    I used purple thread to sew an "X" for her other eye and green for her jagged little teeth! I was so happy with how it was turning out so far! After that, I painted on a pink heart with fabric paint and added the pins, as well as some safety pins! I also put one of my Exorcist pins on ;)

    I decided she was too cute to just have lying around, so I decided to sew on a lobster claw clasp. As soon as the fabric paint dries, I'm gonna hang her onto my bag!

    And then she was done! My little rag doll was complete!! I have decided to name her "Stigmata". I love her so much, I can't wait to show her off!

    This was a fun little detour from what I was originally going to do, lol. I was so consumed by this need to make my own little doll. It was a vicious attack and I had to satiate it with action. Now that THAT'S out of the way, I can finally clean my room. After writing my next blog post, of course. 

    Y'all I'm scared, I just saw this Burger King commercial romanticizing the 2010's, bitch what do you mean???!! I was fucking 12!!! And it looked nothing like the 2010's, what the fuck were they wearing? God dammit, all 2020's is, is pure regurgitation and no originality. When are we gonna hit the roof? We have to plateau sometime. I'm gonna lose my mind.

    Anyways, I'm gonna eat some cold Chinese noodles and watch the MTV Music Awards. I'm watching the rerun as I type this. Ricky. Martin. Blessed BE!!

The Winter I Cut Off All My Hair and Dyed it Red

 

    I was not doing well mentally at all during the time these pictures were taken. I was allowing myself to indulge in damaging ideologies, keeping myself in this constant state of despair. I wanted to hurt myself in any way possible. I spent the years 2017-2021 in a constant mental battle, teetering between getting better or letting my weaknesses take over. It wasn't until the late summer of 2021 that I decided to get better. The journey has not been easy and I still struggle with certain things, but I am so far away from that person in the pictures above. I can't believe I've made it this far.

"Envenom" Sabbat Album Review

 

    I had this album saved in my "Watch Later" playlist for a bit, maybe a couple of months? Anyways, I decided to give the album a listen while I was typing out a blog post. Here are my thoughts.

    Sabbat is a Japanese, more Thrash than Black Metal, band that formed in the early 80's. From then on, the band was plagued with mishaps, ranging from band members leaving, or shows being cancelled. This led to some gaps in between their EP's and an even larger one for the debut, "Envenom". I assumed the band was influenced by "Venom", due to the album title, and I was correct. Not a hard guess, lol!

    I should've known the album would've sounded more thrash just by the title alone. Thrash is one of my least favorite metal genres, so I don't think my rating will be very fair. The album might sound better to someone who has an ear for that genre, but for me, I didn't like it as much.

    The album starts off with this really cool instrumental, it's easily one of my favorite tracks off the album. It's very cryptkeeper, candelabra, you know? This leads into the next track, "Satan Bless You", which is probably the best song off of the album, in my opinion. It's a pretty standard song, the vocals are good. It's a good first track. I'd have to say my second favorite track off the album was "Reek of Cremation", solely for the guitar solo. The album has a couple of really neat solos on it.

    My least favorite song featuring vocals on the album would be "Carcassvoice", I don't really vibe with the higher pitched vocals. It's kinda funny to listen to, lol. My least favorite instrumental would be "Dead March", I just don't like it. I noticed that the track "Eviler" has more of a punk/d-beat sound, but it's not my favorite. You could just listen to bands like Dust Noise or Disclose in that case.

    The album ends with the same instrumental as the beginning and that's it! I have to rate the album a 6/10. Again, I am not a fan of Thrash at all, so don't bust my balls. Check it out yourself if you like that sound. I might give a different album another chance, but the likelihood is slim. Blessed Be!